Offsprings or *Nosprings*?
April 12th 2008 01:00
Offsprings…to have or not to have...
Having been married for more than five years now, and recently moved to a nice spacious home…most people assume that my friend Antsy and her husband Tim will now (or should be) be planning for children. In fact, her in-laws assumed that they have been trying!
In a recent conversation with his parents, Tim almost gave them a heart-attack…
Father: (Following on a conversation that his cousin and his wife had just been successful with IVF) – If you and Antsy still don’t have a child by next year – you should go see a specialist.
X: Well…we’ve not been/are not trying.
Mother: OH…(with downfallen face). Shouldn’t wait too long…
On many separate occasions, Antsy has also been interrogated by her sister-in-law (and a few other family members) on why they (Antsy and Tim) haven’t yet have children – which typically leaves Antsy frustrated and somewhat annoyed that the decision to have/not to have children is a discussion outside her marital life.
While many see it as the natural progression of life, children aren’t for everyone…and there are many interesting and differing views on ‘Why have children’.
Social pressure can also be a subtle yet strong influence on women in their choice to go ahead and have a child. If you are married, for example, there is often unspoken expectation on the part of family and friends that sooner or later you will have children. Not to do so is often regarded as selfish. It is interesting to note in this regard that there is no adequate word in the English language to describe a woman who positively chooses not to have a child. The words we use are ‘childless’, ‘single’, ‘spinster’ — all of which imply some kind of lack
– full article here.From an academic and scientific standpoint, having too many children means creating more carbon footprints than Earth (and its resources) can sustain – here. Which in some ways can be a chicken and egg situation – no/less children could result in an ageing/dying population resulting in no/less resources, anyway…?
Anyhow, some of us have a need to sustain the family lineage, and for others it’s the almost altruistic thought of leaving a piece of love (or resource) behind. Here's another perspective to this deliberation…
So, why do most people assume that everyone wants children or should have children or that life is supposedly less fulfilling without children? Not having children shouldn’t be viewed as a less than fulfilled life, or vice versa...should it?
Images courtesy of d_jeltovski (toy) and nasirkhan (crying baby), MorgueFile.
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Comment by katyzzz
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Besides the very best of designer prams require the presence of a baby. QED.
Comment by Michaelie
Flick Wit
I absolutely agree with you!
It's a choice either way, (though I think there is more social pressure to have kids than not to have kids, maybe in certain circles), one we have the right to make for ourselves. Reinforcing the expectation of procreation, or any other gender norm is ridiculous. I hate that women (and men, to some degree) STILL have to contend with the unwarranted and archaic notion that we must do everything we can to bear children (and how far do you take this? that we must therefore all be in heterosexual relationships? That everyone should pair up? That everyone should marry? That women should stay home to 'nurture' the children, since they are the ones who must give birth in the first place? Grrr) and that if we choose not to have children, we are selfish, unfeminine, unholy abominations of our gender..!!!!
Ok, composing myself.
And why all the pressure? What business is it of anyone's? I would be having a very firm talk to my parents/parents in law if they were projecting any such expectations onto me, even if it was in fact my desire to start a family!
I actually would like to have children, but for my own reasons, in my own time, and on my own bloody terms!!!
So, um, yeah, that's what I reckon.
Great post.
Mich
Comment by tlcorbin
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So, just what purpose is the sex drive serving other than to act as a slave to procreation, when there doesn't seem to be a biological imperative for recreation or companionship.
Raven
Comment by Tracy
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And no-one should have to justify their reason/s.
Tracy
Comment by Lara M
Love Speaks
<LOL> Yes...those designer prams require equally (??) as fashionable parents/bub to go along with it... So, who/which is the accessory?
Sure, understand that career and work responsibilities come into play -- hence the nanny...but whenever possible, they're with the nanny.
That's true, Raven. However, when I see my friends (and their friends) being pressured into 'it' that's when I question the 'Why' of it.
Well put, Tracy. I agree that there are a multitude of reasons for and not having children -- ranging from financial situations, meeting someone/marrying later in life, etc.
And no-one should have to justify their reason/s.
Thanks for all your viewpoints...
Comment by Krystal
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I'll take the pram thanks, I just can't wait.
Comment by Tracy
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Comment by What's Your Story?
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I was under so much pressure to have a baby during the early years of marriage. Ugh. Thank goodness I didn't give in to those pressures! I don't want to have a baby just to shut the traps of relatives!
I would love to have children someday. Now doesn't seem to be the right time just yet.
Comment by Always Eighteen
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However, with all the orphans in the world...
Anyhow, I personally, at this moment of time, don't ever plan on having kids. If anything, I'd adopt.
Comment by Lara M
Love Speaks
Looking at it (your statement) another way, it could be said that perhaps they're genetically modifying themselves to cope with the changing environment...
Having children for yourself in the *right* space is quite the right decision. Thanks for sharing, Toni...
Sure, I agree Dean -- that they should be encouraged but I don't quite agree with 'having children for just the sake of it...'.
Uh-huh...what about the many orphans out there...
Tracy, Michaelie...thanks for following this post.
In-line with the love on this blog, I've had to edit as necessary...
Comment by Michaelie
Flick Wit
Oh sorry Lara, was too annoyed to be articulate! Though I do think 'Krystal's' comment is really less loving than mine was, when it comes down to it!
Comment by Tracy
Movies and Life
I stand by my comment, no one should have to justify their decision to anyone...and that does not make them a genetic misfit..