What's the trigger?
September 6th 2008 07:13
Two-timing, cheating, being unfaithful. What causes people to cheat?
During a typical banter with the girls, it was revealed that everyone had two-timed or is (sort of) cheating.
Pia and Cat (who are now married) said they never thought twice about two-timing before but would never jeopardise their marriages now. “He’s too good, and I’d be stupid to risk losing him,” said Cat. Pia felt the same.
Sonia and Elise the two swinging socialites are in what they call open relationships – and so does not deem it as two-timing but merely as an in-depth survey of the market. I think of it as their way of passing time…
So, why do people cheat? What is the pull that triggers that? We may never truly know, and the unfaithful may never truly understand it either, but here are a few triggers as noted by relationship counsellors and confirmed by the girls.
- boredom
- unresolved and/or underlying problems in the relationship
- looking for excitement or passion that’s perhaps lacking in the current relationship
- escapism
Interesting...and I can understand how one can quite easily cross the line – especially if the relationship wasn’t founded on a deep-seatedness of trust, honesty and communication. For if, had there been (any of) these three values – particularly communication, wouldn’t it have stopped the trigger from being pulled? Or perhaps I’m being naïve…
Main image courtesy of Clarita
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Comment by Sara Dobson
My Turn
There are some people that just shag for the sake of shagging, they don't respect their partner and it is all about the ego.
Others are in an unsatisfactory relationship and someone comes along that fufils something that is missing in their life.
In my case in marrige number one, my husband and I never communicated and was very critical of me as well as spending most of his time playing videao games or looking at porn. I felt unattractive
When someone came along who thought I was very sexy and used to spend a lot of time chatting to me I fell for him.
I thought I loved him, and tried to spend a lot of time with him, even though I didn't sleep with him.
Now that I am married and happy with a baby it doesn't even cross my mind to be interested in anyone else. Its not a matter of resisting temptation, its a matter of nobody else measures up to my partner.
Comment by Lara M
Love Speaks
Food Slate
Thanks for sharing your personal experience, Sara. That must've been a difficult period of your life, but am happy for you that you've found the balance and a wonderful partner
Comment by katyzzz
Photography Tips
MS Paint Art
If it's not working move out and on, and learn something about what is involved in relationships, people have relationship IQs of almost zilch, poor idiots, and they are not HAPPY people, they should try some character building or the patterns will keep repeating themselves.
Cheaters are invariably losers, they just pretend they aren't.
There endeth the first lesson.
Comment by Lara M
Love Speaks
Food Slate
Perhaps to, sometimes some people just need that *wild* moment to realise what they're doing is wrong, and that is enough for them to stop and get back on track.
Communication is invariably the key though...