Getting UNDER someone to get over it
August 6th 2007 00:34
“Breaking-up is hard to do" so goes an old saying and many a song. Most of us have gone through that *heartache at least once or more - well, *freedom if you were the one doing the breaking-up.
Interestingly, people have their own ways of dealing with break-ups. Speaking with a number of people I found the techniques varying from normal to bizarre, but one that stuck in my mind was Joe’s technique of getting under someone to get over it, simply translated as getting into bed with another to get over the break-up.
This I couldn’t quite understand – how can getting into bed with just anyone heal the broken-heart? Isn’t it necessary to feel something with the person to do it? So I thought it could perhaps be a gender-biased technique – as Mark has done it, so have Nick, Les and Peter! That is until I heard that Sonia (and her posse, and their posse) adopted that same solution too!
‘Getting under someone to get over it was my liberating first step. It gave me the confidence that I was still desirable, and that someone else wanted me,’ she said in a very matter-of-fact way. Sonia added that even though she was secretly harbouring the fact that *the act* was an act of revenge, it was good…
So, it wasn’t gender-biased. It was however fascinating that the reasons behind the getting under someone to get over it was different. For the females it seemed more emotional. For the males, it seemed more physical – ‘I had a need, and I found a willing partner to fulfill it with…simple. We both understood it as no strings attached, and were in it for a good time,’ said Joe.
What is your experience with this (or do you know someone who does this) – is it sweet revenge on the other gender, to fulfil a need, a liberating step, OR some other reason?
Do you think getting into bed with another can really help you get over a break-up – how, why?
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Comment by Louie
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Definitely a solution for the brave, oh and the Drunk because then even if its bad you won't really remember doing it, just that you did it so you get all the benefits without the risk of remembering the bad parts....and of course the person you did it with will always look hotter with beer goggles on
Comment by Lara M
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Comment by KylieW
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I'd agree with your friend Sonya. If you're feeling a bit low about yourself it can boost your self-esteem and give you back that old "I've still got it" feeling.
You have to be careful though not to pretend to yourself that it's anything more than scratching an itch. I've seen friends kind of 'transfer' their feelings to the person they've just slept with and think that this is their new love. When in fact the bloke in question doesn't feel that way at all.
Comment by katyzzz
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Comment by Aimzster
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Luckily, I had never been on the dumping end and the two relationships I had that ended up in a breakup, I was so glad to be rid of them at the end that getting over them was never an issue. But I do know a LOT of people who had been broken up about the split and had sought comfort in the arms of someone else, most of the time, a stranger and it's due to what Kylie said, to boost up the self-esteem and to take comfort in the idea that you can still be attractive, especially when you were the one dumped. I don't see anything wrong with it as long as both parties know it's a casual (safe) sex and there's nothing more to it.
Comment by Lara M
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Coincidentally, that's my follow-up post on this! - here
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Comment by Always Eighteen
Always Eighteen
I suppose it can be useful as a first step, as long as you don't count on hoping to fix the relationship again.
Ohhh man a lot of troubles can come from that.
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Comment by Anonymous
If you get dumped deal with it reflect and when you are ready to get out in the game...then go.
If you solve it with quick fixes it will develop in to a dangerous cycle, that every time you are down or need to solve a relationship problem you solve it with sex.
This is not healthy, everyone has their bad and low times, and its just part of life.
I did this to 2 of my ex-gf and to say the least I felt great during the action, but like a trash bag afterwards...
Sex is amazing and people are great at it, but very few people can truly handle its implications......(I cant)
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