Telling your friend's secret to your partner...ok or not?
June 27th 2008 03:20
Do you tell your partner your friend’s secret?
When it comes to close friends and partner…a fine line might be drawn on what you might tell one over the other. In a typical girls (or boys)-only outing, we tend to bare all over copious amounts of cocktails and witty banters – which might range from shopping to (harmless) gossip about who-and-who in the office to potentially relationship matters between you and your partner. This is usually seen as ok – so it’s not uncommon to talk about your partner – and potentially a couple of *secrets* with your girlpals but is it wrong if you told your partner a girlpal’s secret or two.
The *posse* was divided on this *debate*. Sonia, Cat and Jemma believes in the girl-code – that basically “what happens on the road stays on the road”.
Elise, Pia and Antsy think that it’s ok to tell their partners their girlpal’s secret – whether intentionally or not. They don’t believe that they need to hide any info from their partner – “like he’s gonna care…or even remember it.”
I think it depends... To some extent I think some girlpals’ secrets are not meant to be ever told – whether it is to my partner or even to another friend...but it depends...?
Ladies and Gentlemen...What do you think? Do you or don't you (ever) tell your close/best friend’s secret to your partner? Why?
Images courtesy of RonnieB (whisper) and Cohdra (phone).
When it comes to close friends and partner…a fine line might be drawn on what you might tell one over the other. In a typical girls (or boys)-only outing, we tend to bare all over copious amounts of cocktails and witty banters – which might range from shopping to (harmless) gossip about who-and-who in the office to potentially relationship matters between you and your partner. This is usually seen as ok – so it’s not uncommon to talk about your partner – and potentially a couple of *secrets* with your girlpals but is it wrong if you told your partner a girlpal’s secret or two.
The *posse* was divided on this *debate*. Sonia, Cat and Jemma believes in the girl-code – that basically “what happens on the road stays on the road”.
Elise, Pia and Antsy think that it’s ok to tell their partners their girlpal’s secret – whether intentionally or not. They don’t believe that they need to hide any info from their partner – “like he’s gonna care…or even remember it.”
I think it depends... To some extent I think some girlpals’ secrets are not meant to be ever told – whether it is to my partner or even to another friend...but it depends...?
Ladies and Gentlemen...What do you think? Do you or don't you (ever) tell your close/best friend’s secret to your partner? Why?
Images courtesy of RonnieB (whisper) and Cohdra (phone).
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Comment by Louie
Climate Forum
Climate Red
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And to be honest, its much better because I feel free to tell my partner everything unless instructed otherwise. Makes life easier, secrets can be a burden. BUT if i am specifically asked not to I don't tell, the cone of silence prevails.
Comment by Michaelie
Flick Wit
There a times when it helps though, or when it's allowed, or when you can't keep it in and that's a safe outlet. If I were a married CIA agent I'd probably spill all the country's secrets to my husband. I'd have to tell someone.
Mich
Comment by Morgan Bell
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Artist Quirk
and this is most of the reason i pretty much dont ever socialise with people who are in relationships, as soon as someone is in a couple you cant tell them anything because you have to assume everything goes direct to the partner . . . if you wanted to tell someones husband something you would ring them up and tell them, but wives rarely respect that and hence lose alot of friends over it
i think it is totally unacceptable for couples to divulge their friends sensitive secrets to each other
and do you notice couples turn it on and off at will?
like if you presume they would tell their partner some essential information they suddenly claim to have barely any communications with their bedfellow "oh johnny didnt know that you were vegetarian because you didnt tell him" well i dont suppose you could have passed that info on before he fired up the bbq?
yet over dinner it is revealed the husband suddenly knows your pap smear results haha
couples . . . theyre the worst! lol
Comment by Kleonaptra
Kalikapsychosis
My man is in every beat of my heart and in every rush of my blood. He's in every cell and every breath. He is the only human that deserves my full an unchained personality.....Which is probably more of a curse!
We have been together 7 years. Over that time Ive seen an amazing climate change - 'The girls' and 'the boys' that were so close have broken up, paired off and started actually having lives. This means I never see my friends, and my partner is my best friend - as he should be. I know everything he knows and he knows everything I know.
Understand - we were the worst of players when we got together. This kind of togetherness was a definite "EWW" to both of us. How things change. Now the thing that seemed most unnatural to me seems natural.
BUT just because we both know everything the other knows doesnt mean he just spits out what we talk about - sure, my friends probably assume I tell him, but I assume they tell their partners everything too. Your partner becomes the ultimate sounding board. I consider telling him a secret the same as keeping it myself because its all part of the trust we have. When it comes to girl talk, I dont tell him, cos he doesnt want to know. HE knows that me and the girls discuss every last centimetre of his body and performance along with all the other boys, so that makes it quite fair dont you think girls? Come on, you cant say, ooh, dont tell a girls secrets when you're there going, "You know, I reakon my mans a full 4 cm in diameter" Play fair.
Comment by Morgan Bell
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i think thats why i dont understand it, i have never and would never describe intimate details of a partner to a friend either . . . but i get what youre saying in theory because many many people do
Comment by Kleonaptra
Kalikapsychosis
Comment by Morgan Bell
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Comment by Smooth Political
Comment by Tracy
Movies and Life
I think the answer to the tell or not tell, is that it depends. I love the sanctity of my close friends and I hope that my friends know that what they tell me stays with me. And judging by the closeness of my friendships, I think that's known and I'm glad. I relish those close chats over numerous coffees in a cosy cafe. I love them.
One time I had to divulge something was when a friend was suicidal and I needed help. But otherwise I don't tend to unless it is weighing too heavily and I don't know how to help a friend. And my husband never divulges, he's a safe outlet. I think the answer is it depends on the friendship, the partner and the info.
Great post, Lara.
Tracy
Comment by Kleonaptra
Kalikapsychosis
Very insightful Morgan! I wrote a post on that last week - how my aura just tends to do that, whether I want it to or not.
Comment by Lara M
Love Speaks
I agree with your "depends" reasoning, Michaelie. Also, I think it depends on how well my partner knows that particular friend…or how well I know my friend – she doesn’t have to necessarily tell me not to tell…but I know what/when not to tell.
You bring up some good points, Morgan. Some of the couple friends I have will 101% tell all to each other, though not out of being malicious but it's just the nature of that couplehood <LOL> So I make sure I say "don't tell"...hopefully it sticks
...true Smooth Political, but sometimes it's not so much about him not telling it to someone else but more about your friend not wanting another person to know
Thanks, Tracy.
Yea, that's the beauty of true friendships and a great relationship with your partner isn't it.
...and yes, it does depend on whether (extra) help is needed if there's a problem.
Comment by Lara M
Love Speaks
Thanks for a great discussion!
Hope everyone's having a lovely weekend
Comment by Sara Dobson
Love Mate
Parents Precinct
The Travel Map
My Turn
Interesting topic. I used to tell my ex husband everything because he didn't know my girlfiriends very well so it felt safe to talk with him. If my friend told me a secret that was quite emotional like "she had an affair" for example, sometimes you need to talk about it with just one person to get it off your chest and he was the appropriate person because he had no emotional involvement and I knew he wouldn't tell.
If I tell my friends something I make the assumption that they will tell their partners. Interestingly though I have found that when a man tells a male friend a secret they take it to the grave they don't tell their female partner. Well that was the case with my ex.
Comment by Always Eighteen
Always Eighteen
But maybe that was a good thing... ?
Comment by Lara M
Love Speaks
Ooooh Dean -- what a drama that was! So, sometimes...we just can't/shouldn't repeat anything...!
Comment by Mrs M
Mum's Word
For me, as I was reading through the comments I realised it depends on when the friend came along.
My 2 oldest and bestest friends have secrets that I wouldn't share with my husband. It's an allegiance thing.
But with friends that I've made after my husband came along, well, mostly I tell. Not always....depends on the situation.
Strange but true.
Love & stuff
Mrs M
Comment by Mrs M
Mum's Word
For me, as I was reading through the comments I realised it depends on when the friend came along.
My 2 oldest and bestest friends have secrets that I wouldn't share with my husband. It's an allegiance thing.
But with friends that I've made after my husband came along, well, mostly I tell. Not always....depends on the situation.
Strange but true.
Love & stuff
Mrs M
Comment by Lara M
Love Speaks
Hmm...Yea, I know what you're saying about the allegiance pact
Comment by Arnold
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Comment by Lara M
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