Who does the asking?
October 22nd 2007 09:28
*It* is going well…and you’ve realised you can’t spend the rest of your lives without each other. It is THE time to ask but who does the asking? Traditionally, the would-be groom asked the would-be bride’s father for permission before asking the would-be bride. However, times have changed, and majority do not particularly go through those traditions.
Typically the would-be groom does the asking, but in these modern times, I know of a couple of brides/would-be brides who did the asking.
After being together for several years, Nick’s (now) fiancée popped the question. Now it was not because she’s a new age kind of girl who wanted to *defy* traditions but she was finally ready, after having turned Nick down twice!
For Pia, who’s traditional at heart there was no way she would do the asking. Instead she dropped numerous hints like buying bridal magazines, commenting on other girls’ engagement rings, and planning shopping routes around jewellers to give the big hint. Her
As a woman, would you ask?
As a man, how would you feel if she asked?
Next…the proposal – so don’t jump the gun
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Comment by Michaelie
Flick Wit
As a woman, I cannot understand other women who 'drop hints' to get the man to propose. To me, this is saying "It's all up to him, no matter if I'm dying to be wed, we wait until he gives the nod".
Also, I would be a bit put out if he asked my Dad for permission before asking me. If he's going to marry me, he should know me better than that. To me this is saying "It's all up to him, AND my father. My father must give permission..." It's taking all the power out of my hands except for the power to say no!
Luckily, my father knows me very well, and if a prospective husband DID ask him for permission, he would say that it's not up to him, whatever his feelings, and that I am the one he should be asking for permission to marry!
All in all, I don't think I'd like it sprung on me, even though I'm secretly a romantic. I wouldn't spring a big proposal on him either. I would think, that in the complicated world that we live in, it should involve serious discussion and consideration of what may happen in the future.
After, that, if we agree to get married, I wouldn't at all be ... against ... him buying me a magnificent ring and giving it to me in the most fabulous way (ie no trite BS, but I will save that for your next post!)
Michaelie
Comment by Krystal
feelings
Crystal
Comment by katyzzz
Photography Tips
MS Paint Art
Give a little to get a lot.
katyzzz
Comment by Lara M
Love Speaks
Food Slate
Uh-huh...if it feels right, gotta 'Just do it'! Thanks, Krystal.
Hmmm, interesting point (as always!), katyzzz. So, perhaps Pia was spot-on with her scheme?!
Coming soon...the proposal...the ring...
Comment by Mr Nice Guy
Pop Culturist
Pop Rock Factory
Most blokes I know - had it somewhere in their minds to pop the question - but it always had to be 'the right time, place" - you know the 'perfect feature film setting'.
Some of us though - just have no idea . . . so shining the proverbial light into our eyes is mandatory.
I agree with Katyzzz though - most men would be oblivous to any cleverly hatched plan - provided they were made to feel empowered - it's what women do so well - and something we never catch on to.
Cheers
MNG
Comment by Aimzster
Reality TV
The Jeepney Stop
First Time Mum
In this day & age (where we're supposed to be all equal), I see no reason why either gender can't pop the question. I also see no point in the man asking the father first - as I tell my sister and her fiance (who did the traditional thing and now keeps insisting that my hubby should have done the same thing with my father), it just feels to me like the decision is taken out of the girl's hands. If you need the parents' respect, ask the girl first then talk to her parents.
Comment by KylieW
Celebrity Obsession
Of course I'd like him to the asking. But if he keeps putting it off or tries the 'we'll see' route, I'd like to think I'd take the bull by the horns (so to speak
Comment by Aimzster
Reality TV
The Jeepney Stop
First Time Mum
Exactly! No point waiting, hinting and getting frustrated. As I tell people, if you want something, don't wait for it to happen.
Comment by Lara M
Love Speaks
Food Slate
Aimzster, I'm glad you 'took the bull by its horns' (to borrow Kylie's expression)! There is truth in what u say, and hopefully more women (and men!) will be open to doing what you did too.
I think doing an Aimzster is a good option too, Kylie. Like both of have said, best to try it before the frustrations set in...!