Is it (that) black and white?
August 7th 2007 00:53
When my friends Joe and Sonia introduced the idea of getting under someone just to get over a break-up (yesterday), I decided to delve further into it.
There are apparently two ways of looking at it (getting into bed with a person) – it can either be just a physical act or an emotional act. What’s the difference? When it’s physical, it’s usually for fun or play – typically with no feelings involved. However, when it’s emotional, there are feelings and emotions involved and typically there’s a bond or connection with the other person – usually experienced in a relationship.
When it’s for pure physical pleasure, there are apparently no strings attach. ‘The girl I get into bed with is in it for fun too. It’s kinda an unwritten agreement, and I’ve not had any problems dealing with it after,’ said Joe.
Sonia agreed but added that she doesn’t usually just hop into bed with a complete stranger – her definition of that is someone whom she has met at least one other time. ‘I like the feeling so if I need to get *some*, I usually can find a willing partner – and I’m always safe about it, I don’t wanna be catching stuff you know.’
Sonia’s friend Elise however has slightly different perspective. ‘Getting into bed with someone purely for physical reasons rids both of us of having to deal with each other after…’
I then asked if any one of them has ever felt *something* with the person after. Joe said he once dated a girl briefly after but it lead to nothing. Sonia did fall for a guy once but he wasn’t interested, and it lead to her just being there whenever he wanted some company (and vice versa), which she had to put a stop to a couple of months later – ‘I had to end it. Emotionally I was confused over how I felt about him, and in general. It was also stopping me from meeting other guys who could be for real…’
Could *just for pure pleasure* lead to an emotional attachment? OR Could it really just be for pleasure?
Where/How do you draw the line? What have you heard or experienced?
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Comment by Always Eighteen
Always Eighteen
A girl I know kept sleeping with a guy for pure physical reasons. When she found that he was messaging another girl, she started to feel jealous. A little possessive. She messaged me, telling me she was falling in love with him.
The same with a friend of mine who met a girl clubbing. They had fantastic sex, and he'd brag about it to me every day. Eventually, he discovered that she was sleeping with other guys, too, and that turned him off.
I think sex in whatever context, creates a bond that's sometimes hard to find, but it's there.
Comment by katyzzz
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You modern day girls have got it all wrong, oh, well!!!!!!!!!!!!!! it's your life.
katyzzz
Comment by Lara M
Love Speaks
Food Slate
Yep...that's why I would never attempt to defy the laws of nature on it. To those who can, good for 'em
Comment by Lara M
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Comment by KylieW
Celebrity Obsession
You do have to be careful. I have a couple of friends "with benefits". It works well, we're only friends, we don't want to be anything more than that, but we're both single and are attracted enough to each other to sleep together on occasion. Best of both worlds, get sex, but you're also having it with someone that you genuinely like.....you just don't want a relationship with.
But, then there was a guy that I was kind of 'seeing'. We were good friends, who were sleeping together. We were only sleeping with each other. We talked most nights of the week and saw each other a couple times a week. And it was so confusing. To me, that sounds like more than just a friends with benefits arrangement. I mean, that's practically a relationship. But he couldn't see that. So we had to stop it. Too confusing for me, and I'm not about to let myself get too emotionally attached to some guy who doesn't know what he wants.
So there's definite pro's and cons to the arrangement!!!
Kylie
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Comment by Lara M
Love Speaks
Food Slate
Thanks for sharing your experience.
Comment by Lara M
Love Speaks
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