Lara M
What is mine is yours, and yours is mine - is it not?
July 30th 2008 06:49
Most people have different attitudes about money. So, when two people get into a relationship, the money aspect can get a little more complex than anticipated. It’s probably fine, when you don’t live together (yet) and one can’t quite see how the other spends the money – but boy, can it be a big surprise for some when they start a household together.
Cat was telling us the other day that she is the money manager in the household. His and her salaries go into one account, and she pays the bill and gives each of them an allowance – as well as make all financial decisions relating to gifts and holidays.
While that seems to work well in her household, it’s a different scenario over at Pia’s. They have separate accounts and a joint account where they each put a chunk of their salaries. The joint account is where money is drawn for household expenses and holidays. Pia’s husband is however very *black or white* – expenses must be shared. It’s 50-50 all the way. Hubby gets very angry if Pia dips into the joint account to buy a gift he hasn’t approved or buys something for the home, which he wasn’t consulted on. Pia also has to hide her shopping from him – ok, she does go shopping a bit too often but should you have to hide it when you’ve earned it?
Nick and his partner on the hand have separate accounts, and just have an unwritten rule about who pays for what in the household – and it works, no dramas.
What are your *rules* of money and relationships – if there are any? Do you just have only one account, separate accounts and/or a joint account? How necessary is it to be very clear about what is mine, yours or ours?
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Comment by AmyHuang
Project Job Search
Travel Debate
Travel String
Love Adventures
However, now that I am the only one with a job, it's all mine
Comment by Sara Dobson
My Turn
Comment by Michaelie
Flick Wit
That's why, one day if/when I decide to get married, I will have my own house and my own money, and I can do what I like. He can live next door and be stingy with every cent or fill every room with useless boytoys for all I care.
Lol.
Mich
Comment by Mrs M
Mum's Word
as well as make all financial decisions relating to gifts and holidays
But with us the issue is deeper than money. I'll try to explain that one.
Mr M is a freelance video editor and at the beginning he wasn't making very much money but I always supported him in his career, even if that meant we ate baked beans on toast for a week because we didn't have that much money.
Conversely, Mr M never insisted I return to full time work after we had the kids just because we needed the money. He could see that I very much wanted to be a stay at home mum (work at home mum).
So out of support and respect for each others careers, we weren't going to let money drive us.
Though he did promise me an Audi one day.
Anyway, that's our story.
Love & stuff
Mrs M
Comment by Cheryl J
Rhythmatism
Zentertainment
Budget Centsability
Great topic!
Comment by D. Armenta
The Florida Keys and Everglades
The Black Sheep Chronicles
What constitutes bad manners?
The male mystique
Debate Fan
L.A.M.P.
For big household expenses, we each pool as much as we can afford at the time, and neither one of us keeps score; it's pretty much "Hey, can I get $100.00 for the vet? I'm short this week" "Sure, don't worry about it. Need a little extra?"--goes both ways.
All of our married friends think our marriage is "abnormal" since we don't want kids and don't try to control what we each do with our money, but on the other hand---
-We have never ever had any disagreements about money, ever.
-Neither one of us has ever had to hide or "sneak" a purchase from the other--or get approval for a purchase, unless it affects us both ( for instance, refinancing the mortgage)
Since we're both very independent souls with a long history and a fierce loyalty to one another, our "unconventional" marriage works very well!
Comment by Tracy
Movies and Life
In general there has been no issues. If something comes up, we just talk about it. As with anything, sometimes we have different ideas, but somehow it doesn't become a huge deal.
Comment by Mr Nice Guy
Pop Culturist
Pop Rock Factory
. . . just kiddin'
From day one we elected to have one account and discuss any major purchases. There's never been any issues.
We are both working towards the same goals and intend to grow old and graceful (hopefully) together.
But to each their own.
Comment by Lara M
Love Speaks
Food Slate
Ooooh Sara, I know what you mean. When one is a spendthrift and the other is practical...it can get pretty tense. I guess there should be a greater mutual respect for money, as well as for one another, huh.
<LOL> Michaelie...that's a great idea
Yes, money can become a very sore point of discussion in (practically any kind of!) relationships. Even similar ideas can sometimes polarize over time -- perhaps it's changing goals and aspirations that greys it over time...
The basis really is the respect and support of each other, isn't it, Mrs M. I have friends whose partners are the sole/almost the sole earner in the household -- and it works because they share a respect for money and each other, as well as sharing *concrete* long-term aspirations.
Comment by Lara M
Love Speaks
Food Slate
I like that *unconventional* story, D
Definitely kindred spirits to make it work that way without the *system and structures* of it all
You make a good point re. communication, Tracy. We should feel fine to discuss about anything, while respecting each other's thoughts and ideas.
"What is his is ours, and mine is mine" -- so said a friend of mine, MNG <LOL>
Comment by Lara M
Love Speaks
Food Slate
Respect for and support of each other seems to be the great foundation of it all -- and MNG's comment truly cements it
...and I think (if i dare say), a slightly greater respect for money is key too. By that, I mean not being frivolous to the point the credit card(s) is maxed out and you're using cash advances from your credit card for more shopping or to pay the bills. ...but hey, that's just my 2-cents...
Comment by Always Eighteen
Always Eighteen
We didn't last long.
Money does screw a lot of things up, I think.
Comment by GlenB
Raw Fish
I put the roof over our head and pay the utilities
We split the cost of groceries and new appliances.
We each pay for our own car, clothes, telecommunications and vices.
If we went on holiday it would be at my expense.
She pays the expenses related to her dog but sometimes I help out as I love her so much.
I don't keep score on how much I subsidise her but recently she objected when I asked her to pay for the take away. That was irritating.
Comment by Lara M
Love Speaks
Food Slate
It's really sweet of you to help your partner with the care of her dog, Glen. I think it's nice there's no score-keeping -- just seems much nicer and practical when there's a good understanding of give-and-take.