Affairs of the heart
September 13th 2006 02:40
We've heard of married couple having affairs outside their marraiges. Husband having an affair with his secretary, wife hooking up with the family gardener (ok, maybe this is too desperate housewives), husband and/or wife flirting dangerously with that gorgeous and young work mate, which leads on to a steamy relationship (or not).
And so, sometimes it makes us wonder....why do they do these things when they're suppossedly in a loving til-death-do-us-part relationship/marriage? Is it the thrill of the chase? Like when in high school, the harder it was to hook up with the most popular girl in school, the more determined you are to get her in the end? Or, is it more of an ego thingy? Sort of like a mid-life crisis maybe...when you feel that age is catching up on you, and suddenly the prospect of someone younger than you, who is physically attracted to you turns you on and gives you that confidence that maybe you're still attractive after all these years and wrinkles! Or....maybe you're just bored with your marriage now, when things with your partner are like a routine...there's no spark and excitement anymore?
Well, we marry our partners in the first place because of love and spark and all the excitement during the first few months/years right? Who would ever forget how the most important person in our lives, who once made our heart skip a beat the moment we laid eyes on them. Rather than just dismissing these moments as a passing history, why don't we keep them in our hearts as the treasured memories of the great relationship that we have? And then, when things doesn't go so well with them....rather than looking for that same feeling at other places and with other people, why don't we just think back about how good it felt once upon a time and be contented with what we have today. Sure, we can't expect to have that spark every single day of our lives...but somewhere deep down it's actually still there, waiting for us to reignite it and bring glow to the relationship.
And so, sometimes it makes us wonder....why do they do these things when they're suppossedly in a loving til-death-do-us-part relationship/marriage? Is it the thrill of the chase? Like when in high school, the harder it was to hook up with the most popular girl in school, the more determined you are to get her in the end? Or, is it more of an ego thingy? Sort of like a mid-life crisis maybe...when you feel that age is catching up on you, and suddenly the prospect of someone younger than you, who is physically attracted to you turns you on and gives you that confidence that maybe you're still attractive after all these years and wrinkles! Or....maybe you're just bored with your marriage now, when things with your partner are like a routine...there's no spark and excitement anymore?
Well, we marry our partners in the first place because of love and spark and all the excitement during the first few months/years right? Who would ever forget how the most important person in our lives, who once made our heart skip a beat the moment we laid eyes on them. Rather than just dismissing these moments as a passing history, why don't we keep them in our hearts as the treasured memories of the great relationship that we have? And then, when things doesn't go so well with them....rather than looking for that same feeling at other places and with other people, why don't we just think back about how good it felt once upon a time and be contented with what we have today. Sure, we can't expect to have that spark every single day of our lives...but somewhere deep down it's actually still there, waiting for us to reignite it and bring glow to the relationship.
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Comment by Adrian
Philosophy Blog
How about this stereotype? -- Say you're trapped in a loveless marriage, your husband is gawking at anything in a skirt, and you meet some guy who's perfect for you, who seems like a soul mate. You may have promised till death do us part, but why, really, should a silly, innocent, youthful you have the right to bind the present you, who is a completely different person?
Comment by Justina
It's more of people who are already in a loving relationship but still sleep around (maybe because they just want more) that I'm talking about. Sometimes I wonder what made them do what they did...and if they ever feel bad about it.
Comment by Adrian
Philosophy Blog
Comment by Justina
Comment by Adrian
Philosophy Blog
I can sort of imagine some situations where it's better to satisfy your lust or curiosity and get it out of your system.
And, going one better, I've heard some people claim it's better that the spouse go to a prostitute than have an affair, particularly if he/she has urges that the other spouse can't satisfy, and maybe that'll keep the marriage together.
And confessing to your partner afterwards might sometimes strengthen the marriage, or else rip it to shreds...
Comment by Justina
Go to a prostitute? Won't that spouse stand in the risk in contracting a sexually transmitted disease or something? Not that I'm stereotyping or prejudicing, but these things happen, right?
Comment by Adrian
Philosophy Blog
Prostitute and disease -- maybe. Prostitutes sometimes claim they're cleaner than the general population because they know what all the dangers are. But it depends on what sort of prostitute.
You know, Jackie Onassis once told JFK that she realized he was constitutionally unfaithful, and she'd stick with him for the sake of his presidency, but "if you bring home venereal disease from any of your sluts, I'm getting a divorce". He did bring some home, and she did catch it, and she didn't divorce him.
Comment by LauraP
Affairs are selfish, thoughtless and cowardly. Often the person committing the affair isn't even conscious of what their real issues are - they are just taking the "easy" way out.
Comment by Justina