First date...splash-out OR scrimp?
June 29th 2007 02:15
Working out a budget for that first date can either (so said) ‘break it or make it’. It can be a strategic approach that can set the course for future dates. Much planning, thought and analysis can go into it as much as the APEC Summit Meeting!
I once had a date where the guy took me to the local community club. I have nothing against a community club, except it was quite late and there was hardly any food left in the cafeteria – and it looked liked it was there all day! Anyway we managed to get some food and sat down to eat on a not-very-good-clean-job table. We couldn’t have a conversation because the live-band in the next room had a wailer for a singer, and in the very same room…a bingo game was going on!
The icing on the cake was when he suggested we went to the lounge for a drink! It was dark and musty with bad music. I gulped down my drink, YAWNed… and said it was bed time for me – it was 9pm…
For the next date, I would’ve been more than happy to go ‘dutch’ or even just grab something from a fast-food joint, but it was too traumatic of a first experience to give it another shot. I have eaten at hawker stalls, etc… but really there’s a time and place for it…
So, is there a danger in setting the *bar* too high? If too low, does it mean we’ll fall? Does that first date then becomes a limbo game? I guess the question is... Should we splash-out OR scrimp?
Image of ‘menu' courtesy of clarita, morgueFile.
| 115 |
| Vote |
Subscribe to this blog
Comment by James Rickard
unlucky_ fishermen.com
Angling Fish
Comment by Lara M
Love Speaks
I was with someone for 10 years...and getting back to the dating scene was *challenging*. I know how u feel...! Be yourself and have fun, I reckon...
Comment by Cibbuano
20/20 Filmsight
Science News
Hunt Famous
Orble Post of the Day
Fat Cult
Techbreak
Comment by David
Love Cafe Scrimp.
I don't do the meal deal thing for the first date. It's far too RSVP for me. I don't do skipping hand-in-hand by a lake with ducks on it or by moonlit shores, nor romantic candlelit dinners, nor movies.
It's just go out for a drink(s). Cut to the chase, have a conversation? Discuss things like, so who are you really, whose place are we going to sleep at tonight, and what do you like for breakfast?
If the chemistry is there? Sure, let's grab a meal first but at a decent rest/cafe, not some Bogan dive. If there's heaps of chemistry there? Who needs a meal? Your place or mine? Or, that alleyway looks deserted?
What's this obsession people have with a romantic first date that requires the obligatory meal? And agonising over what to wear, how to behave, how much it's going to cost, and who is supposed to pay for it?
How to behave is a biggie. Why not just be yourself?
If she doesn't like my place? Or my collection of true crime novels? Or blokey films? Or drinking or smoking? I'll give her a quick computer lesson, show her how to sign up for RSVP, and ring an escort agency. Either way, I'm going to pay for sex. It's either pay for the meal or just hand over the money to a hooker. I prefer simplicity. Plus I can cook. If want a meal? I'll make it myself.
David ...
Comment by Aimzster
Health and Beauty
Reality TV
The Jeepney Stop
Comment by Tracy
Movies and Life
It's a good question. I've been married for a while now so I'm probably a bit out of date, but I tend to think a friendly-feeling cafe is the way to go. I've never liked the over-the-top swanky places where that really raises the question of who's going to pay. After all, the point is to get to know someone not squirm over the bill....
Byeee
Comment by Ash
Australian Traveller
Flashes of memories
like the question! I`m not really the posh kind so fancy restaurants don`t do it for me... I`m too clumsy to take toplaces like that anyway... I`m an embarrassing moment waiting to happen!
First dates can be quite nerve wracking so somewhere you both feel comfortable maybe? I`m with Tracy here... the bill splitting things is an awkward position isn`t it?
ash
Comment by Questionable Content
a) It can be too intimate for two people who've (presumably) just met, thus leading to possible awkwardness;
b) I took a girl to dinner once on a first date, and she didn't appear to be entirely comfortable eating around me. That's obviously a personal prerogative; my dad's partner didn't seem comfortable eating around us when she first met us, but now she's cool with it.
c) Dinner leaves things open for too many potential faux pas - she might be vegetarian, or allergic to some ingredient used in every menu item, or you might develop explosive flatulence when eating that particular cuisine. Attempting "get-to-know-ya" conversation over food can ruin both a good meal and a good conversation.
Coffee or a couple of quiet drinks somewhere (my house is a great venue, incidentally) is the best type of first date. The coffee date leaves it open for stimulating a SHITLOAD of conversation, whereas if the attraction is more physical, drinks can lower the inhibitions just sufficiently to make her want to tear your clothes off and fuck you like a rabid wolverine. Alternatively, if you're a woman on a first date with a man, chances are he already wants to do this to you, or he wouldn't be there.
Edit: If you are going to take them to dinner, take her to somewhere YOU like and have been before - so you're in your element and come across as comfortable as you can.
As far as the bill? If it's coffee, I'll shout. But for a meal, it's either "we go halves", or "I'll pay...but she gets me drunk afterwards". The latter has worked EXTREMELY well for me.
Comment by Lara M
Love Speaks
Yah, high-school style dates is probably the way to go sometimes
Comment by Lara M
Love Speaks
<LOL> Some good ideas there! Love your approach... say it as it is, and get on with it.
I really like the idea of the home-cook meal, but uncomfortable about it for a first date. I'd feel more *secure* about that when I know him better.
Yep!... 'being yourself' and having a good conversation is a must
Comment by Lara M
Love Speaks
Yea... it was a put-off!... and made worst 'cos he didn't think so?! Oh well...<LOL> I can laugh about it now
Good point re. effort! Like u said, not asking for a Tetsuya's... but some thought into it would be nice, and in a place where we can have a conversation, and know each other.
Comment by Lara M
Love Speaks
I like the down-to-earth approach too -- real and no fuss. I think that/your approach is timeless
Comment by Lara M
Love Speaks
Yea... I lean towards the casual and simple too -- somewhere that'll take me in with my Birks will be cool
Comment by Lara M
Love Speaks
It's interesting to see that guys have similar perspectives... thought process
You do bring up some interesting points, though.
I think some girls are uncomfortable eating in front of a guy -- I had a friend who used to eat before she went on a dinner date so that she didn't have to appear to be eating a lot!
Yea, a dinner date may be too intimate...hence, I don't like the idea of a home-cook meal as a first date.
All for the coffee and quiet drinks, but in a public place.
Bill... I've done the "latter" too, and it's ok with me... but it can be a no-no for some... -- hmmm, topic for another post...
Comment by Gurl
Funny post lara!
Comment by Lilla
Enviro Warrior
An Extra Ordinary Life
Dream Herald
I'm married now, but I spent my dating years living in Sydney.
For me the perfect first date was to have the elements of spontaneity present so I never "dated" much *lol* But, when I was meeting someone for a first-date, I used to make sure we got out of a noisy place and moved around in the city, breathed the night air and saw the sites, caught a lift to the tallest building. ..stopped somewhere else and had another drink, a dance, maybe a bite to eat, wandered through museums and displays, exhibitions and street shows...listened to some live music here and there in taverns and bars. .. whatever we came across. I never thought of eating, unless I was hungry.
If the conversation was still flowing and we had exhausted what was on offer in the city, I can remember catching a ferry out to Luna Park for some thrills and spills (often) ... Talk some more, take some rides and eat some fairy floss, grab a hot cuppa and a toasted sanger.
I lived on the north side then, and walked up home from there, usually alone *funnily enough' not many local men preferred that type of date? There was this all night movie house on Miller street and I often stopped for some obscure film with sub-titles. I like my own company too, you see.
I can remember one fellow completely bafflied by my choices? He did nothing but moan about the cold and wind. How dangerous cities were at night and that statistics claimed sit down dinners created more intimacy than any other types of first date ..Boooooring! *yawn* I cut out early and headed to a friends house for hot chocolates and a good laugh.
I can think of nothing worse than a dinner date, truly. How stifling! Especially with the "corn dog" types mentioned above... a complete waste of money, time and energy.
There's a film that came out a few years ago now, that really encompassed my idea of the perfect first date, called Before Sunrise. Maybe you've seen it? I felt vindicated when I did.*chuckle* They made the sequel with the same actors 20 years later and it was a total mind spin. One of Hollywoods finest I reckon'...
Now I'm menopausal my first date would probably be more like the movie, 50 First Dates *ROFL*
Interesting post, bought back some good memories, thanks.
Lilla ...
Comment by tlcorbin-raginravensview
Coffee Quip
A Global Citizen
Paranormal Paranormal
Is Why
Alaska Chronicle
Sleezer's World
First date: getting past the cold feet issues and simply showing up is important and a plus.
Every thing beyond that is easy rolling. It would clearly indicate a mutual interest, so be yourselves, rent a movie, get a pizza, share a few bottles of bubbly and savage each other like ravenous sex starved dust bunnies when the movie is over. If you can still talk to each other a few days later, you're home free to a new relationship. And if you can pass gas when around each other on the first date, that's a plus.
How I ever survived a first date is a mystery to me.
Raven
Comment by Tracy
Movies and Life
Your dates sound scenic and comfortable, yes Before Sunrise is a great example of what you're saying. Have you seen the sequel? It's definitely worth seeing.
Tracy
Comment by Lilla
Enviro Warrior
An Extra Ordinary Life
Dream Herald
Hi Tracy,
I sure have and it blew my mind! How cool was it to take them back there 20 years on. Oh I just thought it was absolute genius, something life would do...
I really enjoyed it, have you reviewed it yet?
Lilla ...
Comment by Kia
Comment by Tracy
Movies and Life
Hi Lara
Comment by Lara M
Love Speaks
Comment by Lara M
Love Speaks
Thanks for sharing!
Comment by Lara M
Love Speaks
Ooooh, passing gas on that first date?! I think that's gotta be waaaay past the first date! U must've missed a previous post of mine...
Love speaks to us in different ways
Comment by Lara M
Love Speaks
Ok...I really MUST get out 'Before Sunrise' and the sequel
Hope u ladies are having a good weekend -- sucha lovely day here in Sydney today... it was actually SUNNY!
Comment by Lara M
Love Speaks