Lara M
Friends Don't Always Like Your Partner
December 17th 2008 01:35
Sometimes friendships and relationships do not mix. Even friendships and friendships do not always gel. Human relations are meshes of complex and simple elements, and sometimes can’t be melted down to bind.
If friends don’t like a new friend, it’s probably not too bad as you can probably just meet up separately with each *group* of friends. However if friends don’t like your new partner…what should you do? Chances are it’s difficult to separate the two as you’re probably close to both and want to do the same activities with both – at the very least half the time if not most of the time.
Friends, especially close and old friends, usually mean well and care about you, but how well do they weed-out the bad apple? Can you trust them to make the right judgment (for you) or should you know best?
Sonia has recently acquired a new beau, whom I’ll call Mr Moolah – who showers her with gifts, expensive dinners and romantic getaways. He seems like a nice guy and has good intentions but naturally isn’t perfect, with a couple of (non-Sonia threatening) addictions. Sonia’s childhood friend Lynn –who has also been privy to the expensive dinners and lavish parties– has since started to *persuade* Sonia to break off with Mr Moolah because of his addictions. The *funny* thing is Lynn was encouraging Mr Moolah with his addictions at the numerous parties they’ve attended. At last check, Sonia and Lynn aren’t talking.
Yellow rose of friendship or jealousy?
Do friends know best?
Is it potentially a case of jealousy – that Sonia has snagged the kinda guy that Lynn herself has always wanted?
What would you do if your close/good friends don’t like your new partner?
Does it even matter if your friends don’t like your partner?...
'Images courtesy (in order), Clarita, Faust Foundation and EmmiP.
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Comment by katyzzz
Photography Tips
MS Paint Art
I love all the pictures, yummy looking hearts.
Comment by Sara Dobson
My Turn
Even if you know that he will hurt her it is still shakey ground becauise, if you say say he is a w@#*er she won't listen, she will still continue to stay with him.
If it all goes pear shaped she won't come to you in case you I told you so.
I think the case of your friend somia it is a completely different issue. Her guy seems ok. I think this is simply a case of jealousy. Very ugly Hope Sonia is sensible!
Comment by Kleonaptra
Kalikapsychosis
A few of my friends urged me to break up with my Kman, but I knew they were after him - we were a pack of power sluts in those days. Now we've been together 7 years. Some of my other friends didnt like him, because he was the first guy I actually made time for. But I knew we were going to be together, that I was making a new family with him, and my friends would always be there.
But it must be hard to stomach true dislike, one of my other mates has been with her man for years, has kids with him, and none of us like him. She knows how we feel, but sticks with him. I dont know if Id cope so well.
Comment by Lara M
Love Speaks
Food Slate
It is a sensitive matter isn't it, Sara. Generally, us girls do tell each other what we think of each others' partners -- but it's as advice and it's up to you if you want to listen or not.
Lynn has however gone a bit far, in as far as bad-mouthing Mr Moolah to other friends (who have not yet met him). I think you might be right it's jealousy...
Kleo, very right that the advice might come out tainted or seems like poison. As real friends, I think it's our *duty* to say what we feel/think (as diplomatically as possible?).
However, at the end of the day I think only you yourself knows best about your partner or the circumstances. If you can live with it, like you said, 'live it out'...and your real friends will always be there anyway.
That's sad regarding your friend. I guess as long as she's happy and that you gals are still there for her, it'll be alright...
Thanks all for your insights
Comment by Lilla
From The Home Front
Enviro Warrior
Dream Herald
Esoteric Bookshop
I think the worst part about this scenario was when my friend started to change as a result of her new relationship. Suddenly the things that had mattered in our twenty~odd shared years, seemed like lies, as she meshed herself to her partners ways of living in the world as her own.
It has been like watching a Harpie emerge from a sweet little girl.
I think it can be a fault of too many women to allow themselves to be changed too much by the men they are with and wrong for men to try to posess their women, then disrespect them for having no individuality left, after they have sucked them dry of of the uniqness that made them so attractive in the first place.
It is a fine line, no doubts ... and as to liking her partner myself... um... Id rather suck wax fruit
The most painless recourse left to me, is to respect her choices and let her go,wishing her the happiness she seeks... time will tell the true story and I will always be her friend if I can detatch, if not we hurt ourselves with our attachment to outcomes that may not be the destiny of individuals to experience.
Lilla ...
Comment by Lara M
Love Speaks
Food Slate
The world would probably be a better place if most people are comfortable in their own skin, and perhaps if people would put less pressure/criticisms on a person who chooses to be their own person...
Hmmm...detachments...that's a good chat over vino...or tea?
Thanks for your thoughts as always, Lilla.