The breaking-point
December 11th 2007 10:19
I recently had the unpleasant experience of seeing a couple who’ve been together for over 20 years separate, and it appears that it is irreconcilable and a divorce is in the works.
I felt sad for them…and empathized with the one who got walked-off on. Twenty over years together is a long time, and many experiences have been shared. That’s a lot of memories kicked aside on a whim – maybe not on a whim but it was fairly sudden with no warning.
As they say ‘there is no one person for an individual’…and like in the animal kingdom, an individual never has one partner for life (or so they say…) – well, short of a few specific species.
I guess what I’m wondering is, how possible is it for one to just switch off one’s feelings for another at a flicker…or is it not at a flicker?
At what point would you be willing to say “that’s it!”…? What would be your breaking point?
Images courtesy of Kevin Roseell, MorgueFile (1st image) and Wikimedia Commons.
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Comment by katyzzz
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MS Paint Art
These things happen, an explanation is not always possible, without warning, I doubt it, time to think about life and relationships before marriage, not after it.
There are no guarantees but those who have self indulged their way through youth are unable to turn that around later on. That is why the world of relationships is going backwards, at least nowadays people do have some choice.
'Tis folly to take the side of the partner left assuming they have no role in their being left.
Relationships are complex as every counsellor will tell you.
Ours not to reason why, ours but to do or die, Noble 600.
Comment by Always Eighteen
Always Eighteen
I'm a hopeless sap at heart. My longest relationship was one year, but it still affects me. Sometimes I still see her, hear her, and sometimes on guilty nights I still feel for her. She can still easily break my heart. I truly wonder what it would feel like to lose someone after 20 years...
Anyway, to answer your question, my breaking point would be after consecutive cheating, boredom, or a murder or something...
Comment by Michaelie
Flick Wit
There are very few things that would cause the breaking point to come immediately. Things you could never get back from.
Michaelie
Comment by Ash
Flashes of memories
what a sad story. It seems that more recently people who have been together for years and years are splitting up as the times have changed the views on relationships. People seem to have this need to rush into a marriage and then find they are with someone who they are completely not suited to. We change as we age and forever is a long time.
If the relationship ever turned violent or someone cheated on me that switch would be flipped very quickly. Betrayal is an emotion stronger than love I think.
Ash
Comment by Lester Caudill
Round Politics
My wife and I have been married for 26 soon to 27 years, and I can't imagine us breaking up. We still try to listen to each other, spend time together, and just share our feelings.
We still try to treat each other like newly weds, and keep fresh new excitement in our relationship even though we have two teenage boys, and a five year old girl.
You can never take each other for granted. Marriage is a work in progress no matter how long you have been married. I have always believed if you take your vows you should know what they mean, and be willing to keep them.
Comment by Tracy
Movies and Life
That is a sad story and it must've been hard to watch. I'm wondering if it was a gradual realisation rather than just one or two things...so hard to know though.
Tracy
Comment by Lilla
From The Home Front
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I once heard it said that it is easiest on the one that is left. Much harder for the one who does the leaving?
I've also heard it said that;
...it takes a minute
to find a special person,
an hour to appreciate them,
a day to love them,
but then it takes an entire life,
to forget them..
no matter who does the leaving, I guess?
Lilla ...
Comment by Mr Nice Guy
Pop Culturist
Pop Rock Factory
A beautiful man (if I can put it that way) and one of life's gentlemen - but their compatility as a couple was hamstrung by so many things that in the end it meant that neither got to lead the life they've envisaged.
The only saving grace is that he no longer lives the pain of the separation and the years of torment . . .
Particularly sad.
MNG
Comment by Cibbuano
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Comment by Anonymous
Comment by Louie
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sad for your friends
Comment by tlcorbin
Comment by Lara M
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I feel that way too, Dean. I wonder if it's truly true that no one is ever with a single partner for like... I guess depends what age you meet that person...! My breaking-point would be the lack of communication and dishonesty.
Very true, Michaelie. I spoke with her last night, and she said she's been feeling *empty* for more than five years...but just stuck it out for the sake of companionship. ...but at the same time, she feels life can be too short and she just didn't want to put up with it all anymore.
I guess getting married young was a conduit too it all too, Ash. You're quite right about
I agree, the betrayal will definitely be my breaking-point.
Comment by Lara M
Love Speaks
Food Slate
Yes, Tracy...it is sad, especially when they're good friends. It's been *exhausting* too having to split my time between the two of them. Well, according to her -- it's been a long time coming, and one day she just *snapped*. Who knows...one party will naturally be in denial, most of the time...
Hmmm...interesting Lilla. In this case, it has been very hard for the one being left. Very true, with last *poem* u left us with... Food for thought for all...
Aw...MNG, that's really sad about your colleague. ...but I know what u mean, he no longer has to live the pains of it... I think separation/divorce at any age is never easy.
Comment by Lara M
Love Speaks
Food Slate
Anon...that must've been challenging to pull-through. I hope you find the inner peace to it all soon.
Yea, Louie...Relationships are complicated, and sometimes made more complicated by this (ultra) modern world of ours...
Comment by What's Your Story?
What's Your Story?
Big Day Plunge
I suppose when something's wrong, one shouldn't delay fixing it. The more you wait, the bigger the wounds get, and perhaps the wounds even multiply without you knowing it.
But then again, that's easier said than done.
Comment by Lara M
Love Speaks
Food Slate
Thanks for popping in.