Falling in love with your best friend~
September 7th 2006 11:20
Imagine this scene: Boy and girl practically grew up together, making them childhood friends and best friends. As they matured, the bond grew stronger, making them rely on each other’s existence to survive in this world and for support etc. etc. Then, fate happens (in their terms); they fall in love during those tender teenage years of high school (think, Dawson and Joey from Dawson’s Creek).
So, the question here is, should they give in to their romantic feelings and say, leave their days of being best friends and brace the possibilities of going steady?
I guess there are a lot of controversies to that, if you ask me. For one, they practically know each other inside out since like, forever?! And I guess I feel that it’s a tad weird to be going out with someone you’ve practically known your whole life – it’s almost the same as dating your own brother (almost!). Not only would you know everything about them (e.g. their gross, disgusting habits and how they think and feel), you could even finish their sentences if you wanted to (kind of like twins!). And besides, wouldn’t it be more fun if you found these things out about your partner while you’re dating, rather than knowing it already and then start dating? That’s part of the spice added to the relationship, right? Any anyway, Dawson and Joey gave this while ‘going out’ thing a try and look at how great that ended? Not only did they hurt each other, they practically dragged their potential partners into that love mess that they’ve created!! Too much drama going on there!
So, what’s my verdict? While I think that it’s great to have your childhood friend become your best friend while you’re growing up, it should stay that way and not to be developed further! It’s just too complicated, uncertain and definitely not worth all the effort (and tears) if at the end of the day, you end up losing a great friendship just because of some romantic (or lust) feeling. So, just accept the face that the both of you will probably remain just best friends, get on with your life and be happy for them when they share the joys of their lives with you. Offer a comforting shoulder to cry on and an understanding ear won’t hurt either during the rough times. After all, that’s what friends are for, aren’t they?
So, the question here is, should they give in to their romantic feelings and say, leave their days of being best friends and brace the possibilities of going steady?
I guess there are a lot of controversies to that, if you ask me. For one, they practically know each other inside out since like, forever?! And I guess I feel that it’s a tad weird to be going out with someone you’ve practically known your whole life – it’s almost the same as dating your own brother (almost!). Not only would you know everything about them (e.g. their gross, disgusting habits and how they think and feel), you could even finish their sentences if you wanted to (kind of like twins!). And besides, wouldn’t it be more fun if you found these things out about your partner while you’re dating, rather than knowing it already and then start dating? That’s part of the spice added to the relationship, right? Any anyway, Dawson and Joey gave this while ‘going out’ thing a try and look at how great that ended? Not only did they hurt each other, they practically dragged their potential partners into that love mess that they’ve created!! Too much drama going on there!
So, what’s my verdict? While I think that it’s great to have your childhood friend become your best friend while you’re growing up, it should stay that way and not to be developed further! It’s just too complicated, uncertain and definitely not worth all the effort (and tears) if at the end of the day, you end up losing a great friendship just because of some romantic (or lust) feeling. So, just accept the face that the both of you will probably remain just best friends, get on with your life and be happy for them when they share the joys of their lives with you. Offer a comforting shoulder to cry on and an understanding ear won’t hurt either during the rough times. After all, that’s what friends are for, aren’t they?
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Comment by Dan
I'd sayas teenagers, thissituation wouldn'twork out, but letssaythat these best friendsare 20-somethings (mid to late). Under thisscenario, i think the bestfriend-turned-lover would work very well
Why? Well if you haven't found the loveof your life when your almost 30, then I guess you'd want a move on very quickly.
I'm not saying that dating ur best briend is taking the easy option... All I'm saying is, IF you trully love each other, then it would work very well. You guys would know each other inside out and would not need to go through all the crap you usually would when your at an age where your more mature than that.
The one and only thing the hypothetical best friends/lovers would be unsure of now is the sex life.]
One more thing Justina: what makes you think that afailed relationship with a friend will wreck the friendship?
Sure it does happen, but it doesn't have to. Especiallly someone you've known since you were tiny little people. How could you possibly let all thoseyears of history go down the drain? Couldn'y our hypothetical best friends just get over it?
Comment by Justin
For instance, I have a few friends that I know well, but couldn't really imagine what and how they would feel given a romantic scenario. So, there's still more to find out about your friend and of late partner.
Comment by Adrian
Philosophy Blog
Comment by Winston
Small Thoughts on Big Questions
Personally, I have loved every minute of being with her. Sure, the moments of discovery you mentioned above are missing (well, not missing. They just happened in a different context), but the comfort and affection can't be beat.
There is, of course, always the risk that attempting this type of thing could ruin the friendship. It's definitely something to consider. For some people, though, the benefit outweighs the risk!
Comment by Aimzster
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Comment by Anonymous
I am in a bit of a sticky situation too.
I am 16 and a half and have known this boy since i was about 14, we only started getting to become really good friends about a year ago though, because he is great friends with my older brother (but he is my age), so he has come round to my house a few times etc so we became very good friends, but i guess i have always had something more for him.
He started going out with one of my best friends, and it was really strange and hard for me to see, but I remained his friend and our relationship if anything grew, as we now had more in common to talk about and he realised he couldnt have me while he was with her. I was there for him the whole time, giving him advice, etc, putting my feelings aside, at this poiint i would never tell him the way i really felt.
While they were going out he admitted to me he had feelings for me, and i said the same but that nothing would happen as long as he was with my friend.
When they broke up we kissed, then again and then again and we have kissed about 6 times now.
I am not really sure what to do.
I really like him but it seems to be just a "friends with benefits" thing.
And i know if i wanted, we could be in a relationship, but there is so much in our way, eg. my brother, my friend, and the fact we are such good friends.
We can tell each other everything, and would not want to lose him, but he is all i tihnk about
I just dont know what to do
HELP!
roxy xxx
Comment by help....
First things first, friendship is the most beautiful thing u cud share with the boy. By friendship i mean talking to him being ur self, doing the things u like -visit the mall, watch n laff on dumb jokes, sit quietly n do nothing, even cry when u feel the world ignores u, or just be der..... frm sm1 whose gone throo lots take it frm me, this is d most valuable thing.
Now coz u think abt d boy so much , its obvious u wanna fall in luv wit him bt aren't allown urself too coz u think it'l jeopardize the very things i just mentioned above....but i kno smwher deep down evn tho ul b frns ( as i will suggest ahead ) u wil always hav d mushy lovey corner 4 him.
so make ur mind , heart up first...if u think he luvs u d same way n will stick by u, if he ain't no fraud ...go 4 it....u don't kno how deep d water is until u put ur legs in !! bt only if ur sure....(listen 2 ur heart...it'l help u lots)
As 4 ur brother ,i think if ul both actually luv each other ..b brave and stand up 2 face d wrld, neways don't take d bf-gf tag 2 seriouslee, try being best frnds...datl work wonders, wen ur old enuf u can go ahead 2 d next level......til den plz don't go on declaring 2 d wrld ul r a 'couple' nd rubbish, jst keep it 2 urselvs nd njoi d moments !! as 4 ur frnd.. depends how gud a frnd she is...try explaining it 2 her..nd give her sm time herself but let her not be d reason if u truly luv him nd he luvs u d same !
Tc...n tho i dont xpect 2 b clear headed aftr readin dis....jus remem 1 thing... be honest, be pure n follow ur heart !!
Comment by Sachi
"I want two red roses, each with a tag. One says "For my bestfriend" and the other one "for my love"."
Comment by help.... -NJ
would like to share smthin wit u.... firslee let age be no barrier for u nd ur soul mate.....its such a cute( & lucky) thing dat uv actually found sm1 who u kno btr dan himself nd he knos u betr dan u do !!
I neva had a best frnd in my life....I am 21...i always had gud frnds or very gud frns bt not 'best frnd'.... until i found my best frnd , my lvr, my soul mate.. i can evn feel like i hav a sister-brodr or familial bonds wit her ...don't take it d wrong way bt its like no relation tag can actually befit us...she's 29 nd tho things are complicated as in marriage wise bt v both luv each odr lotss....Smtimes i seem more mature den her , smtimes she does bt age has nevr cme in ne way betwn us.....
D best thing bout us is dat r thing startd wit frnship, she undrstud me prfectly n so did I d first day on..Smtimes things happn betwn us wich r magical like an angel's playin sm hand 2 make us think d same way n mayb act d same way...v feel xtremely blessed n lucky 2 hav each odr...And i kno 4 sure dat i'l b wit her forevr regardless o d wat d future holds 4 us.....
Comment by Anonymous
Comment by Lara M
Love Speaks
Food Slate
It's a beautiful thing when a relationship starts off as a friendship and progresses into something deep -- after all you met with *no intentions* and it naturally developed into something great. So, live the moment...cherish it and enjoy
Comment by Anonymous
Comment by Anonymous
Comment by Anonymous
i've got a friend.. i've known him when we were freshmen in high school. since then and until the day we graduated, we were really very close friends... really close! i even thought he's gay! i actually regarded him that way.. he's partly gay-ish, i must say.. no, he grew up with her mom so he's more comfortable being with female friends than with males.. that's it. haha. but i joke around saying he's gay. now, during our graduation ball, while we were dancing, he was asking if he could court me! i was soooo shock.. it has never crossed my mind. i must admit that when we were seniors, i started seeing him as a man but it just never occured to me that we can be lovers. so, after the event, i said yes.. i mean YES, he can court me. since that happened, we really feel awkward with each other... until now, i still feel awkward. yes, we didn't enter into a 'lovers' relationship. i rejected him.. not because i don't love him but because i was not yet ready at that time.. && my friends, who are his friends as well, tell me that it's just not right. we see him as a double blade...and they said i deserve someone better. so, i rejected him.. but i am still hoping.. really hoping he'll come back. right now, we're in college. we study at the same university and classmates in majority of our subjects. we treat each other as close friends still but lately, i have a new friend who's been very close to him. i can imagine us before when i see them.. && it hurts.... ahh! i'm sooo complicated! haha!